What Went Wrong Today And Why It's My Subconscious's Fault

Palisade, MN (August 15)--Sorry I haven't been posting since Grand Rapids; we've been going through Real America where they simply won't stand for coffeeshops or the Internet, where “Cafe” means Avoid Eating Here At All Costs. Did 25 miles today after Eve did 30 yesterday (should I just have said that we averaged 27.5 over the last two days?) and am consequently wiped. In the future, 25-30 miles will be nearing the top of our per diem mileage, due to both physical strain and the simple fact that as we re-enter civilization, stopping points will become closer together, but today I did learn that one way to make such trips more difficult than necessary is to forget to (A) eat breakfast and (B) put your water bottles in the kayak. Particularly B. Particularly particularly if your food for the day consists of Wal-Mart Trail Mix, which isn't as bad as you might think (whether by law or the goodness of their hearts--and one has to assume it's the former--the folks at Sam's Choice have indicated the countries of origin for the nute in the gorp) (Ed.: thanks for not listing them.) (Me: thanks for reminding me!) (Ed.: I'm going to cut you off in order to express dismay over Blogger's lack of footnote or endnote functionality because I want your words as far from human eyes as possible. Continue, then, but not about nuts.) but absolutely does contain far more sodium than anyone could ever want or need. And kids, drink water--it makes the world go round (I seem to remember a kids' song expressing something like “booze makes the world go round” but I wasn't a terrifically attentive seven-year-old and also didn't know what “booze” was so I assumed it was some sort of urban(e) term for “juice”, which obviously does make the world go round, and thinking about it now I imagine I must have conflated the lyrics of two different songs, one warning of the dangers of alcohol abuse and the other extolling the virtues of love (?) or, potentially, juice, but I can only hope that my misreading of the song(s) hasn't penetrated too deeply into my subconscious and doomed me to alcoholism the way sinners get doomed to hell)(Ed.: are you drunk right now, jackass?). No, I'm not, and why you gotta be so contentious all the time? That wasn't even a productive comment! You're an editor, edit your own damn comments too! Christ! (Ed.: it's your own damn fault for not drinking any water all day, and not to mention it's starting to look like my name is “Ed“ and I've always despised that name, so from now on I'd like to be “Stuart”, which isn't my real name either but I've always wished it was.) Stu, I ain't your goddamn therapist.

So anyway I've been guzzling water since I got out. The last seven or eight miles are kind of hazy, and I mean that I clearly recall experiencing them in a hazy kind of way, and I'm not sure if this was the effect of dehydration or just the sheer mileage; I have to think it's obviously some of both. What was really troubling me as I paddled, though, was not being sure if it was safer to go quickly, exhausting myself but reaching a source of water earlier, or to take my time, conserving energy but going without water for longer. Eve pointed out the analogy of a car (in which scenario it's more efficient to go slower, just in case you didn't know) but also pointed out the analogy's clear irrelevance (Ed./Stuart: that comment's irrelevant.) (you're irrelevant you pompous jackass no, no, no I won't perpetuate the anger), but I don't plan on doing it again so it doesn't really matter. I suppose it's just a theoretical exercise (Jon, do you know? Will they teach you this in med school along with that cure for AIDS that the government's withholding to punish the wicked and the damn'd?).