A Quick One

Jacobson, MN (August 12)--Really hot and humid on land today, although as some of you will know, rivers never get too hot or cold as far as daily fluctuations go, so I was quite comfy out there while Richard and Eve sweated it out on land. Did 20 miles today and, while not exactly going to jump back on the River and go another 20, don't feel too much the worse for wear, which bodes will as we're trying to beef up our daily average so that Eve gets to NOLA by XMAS. It's the furthest we've done so far, but we're trying to get up to a 20-a-day routine so bully for us, I guess.

The River's about 50-7o ft wide here, subject of course to local variances of up to 35, these figures not being sufficient, I don't think, to generate any meaningful statistics e.g. standard deviation but I've got the most important and useful figures right here in my noggin (and your ”indeterminant causality right here...)(Ed.: ... dude. For real.).

Ran into a thirty-something couple with various tattoos and, combined, more piercings than natural orifices (Ed.: you OK? DO I need to find you the antidote to something? They don't need to hear that.). I came up behind them, as I am athletically built and can out-row any other asshole on this here River, and was almost past them when I noticed a large chocolate lab staring at me. From the canoe. I was impressed. But luckily I restrained myself from shouting “Here, boy!” and splashing and waving. That would have been mean. Plus he (the guy, not the dog) looked likely to be carrying a gun. Which would of course have completely negated my sports-car kayak.

Editor's Note: The following was the subject of much editorial debate, but in the interest of openness I'm going to allow a stanza and a half.

Upon a river deep and wide
(Well, not that wide, as I've implied,
It also isn't very deep,
At most ten feet), with banks quite steep,
I passed beside a small canoe;
And here I must relate to you
That my demeanor as I row
Can give a sense of “told-you-so”.
If that seems blunt, let me say this:
Helen Keller couldn't miss
The arrogant, entitled way
I rowed upon this peaceful day.

One man, one woman, both engraved
With hearts and serpents, to me waved
And, turning to each other, laughed
Enough to make me think I'd gaffed.